INTERNET OF THINGS

Do you sometimes walk into a Grocery Store, pick up 15 Items, and only then suddenly realize that you should have gotten a Basket?

I’ve done that a countless number of times.

Do you ever take too long ordering from Taco Bell, then realize that almost everything on the menu is exactly the same?

Raises hand sheepishly.

Have you ever been the person who used the last square of Toilet Paper, and you tied a string around your finger to remember to restock it before leaving the house. …


Me

Here you are at Shopmart. You just need one thing, but you can’t find it. Figures, Shopmart is by design a Labyrinth. You work your way through the aisles looking for clues, health tonics, swords, anything that can help you on your Quest for Glory and Cheezy Chaps. Oh, I guess that is technically more than one thing.

Suddenly you encounter a Frost Giantess guarding the entrance to the Meat Dungeon. Her Metal Wagon inconveniently positioned in the middle of the aisle.

“Who dares cross my path?!” The wizened creature snarls.

“It is I, Lord Hero, Seeker of Glory and…


SPACE YELP REVIEW

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If I could give this Space-Yelp Review 5 Blackholes, I would.

I have Insta-Projected them on three separate occasions. The last time, I was on the Insta-Projector for 1,200 Rels before I just gave up!

They don’t ever activate their Insta-Projector, and if you leave a Holo-Message, they will never Insta-Project you back. I’ve been dealing with them for 2 Lunar Rotations, and the only time I have ever talked to a Service Mechadroid, it was because I teleported to the main office myself.

Judging by other reviews, this is their default setting. I suspect that they leave their…


FOOD PORN: Vaguely Erotic Recipes

NSFW: Not Safe for Waistline. Chewer discretion is advised.

Ingredients:

  • 1+ Steak, T-Bone recommended
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Garlic Powder (optional)
  • Butter (optional)

Instructions:

  1. Cheap Ordinary Slabs of Beef need not apply, after all, this is Steak Day. Pick the juiciest, fattiest, mouth watering Slabs. Bone in? Bone out? Bone in…Bone out…Bone in!
  2. With expert precision, trim the hard outer layers of fat, leaving only the soft, supple fat that drips and hisses as it’s juices dribble down upon the hot bed of coals.
  3. Lightly toss a sprinkling of Salt on the back of that Slab. Tenderly massage her every inch. …


DOG SPELLED BACKWARDS IS GOD

Is My Dog Actually a Yeti?

This alarming alarmist article will alarm you!

Is Your Dog Addicted to Online Shopping?

Pay attention to these 5 Warning Signs:


Vaguely Erotic Tree Poetry

‘Tree Fondler” Photo by Kristin Wilson on Unsplash

I once found a tree,

From which hung pornography.

I saw things I was not meant to see.

I told my friends, but they did not believe me.

Her leaves writhed in ecstasy,

And Her limbs were warm and supple.

I took one look at Her ample trunk,

Any felt my Belt Unbuckle.

I plucked the fruit,

And felt a stirring in my pants.

Just to be sure, I checked.

Nope. Definitely not Ants.

I’d journey here after school,

And come home tired and sweaty.

With selfish grin, and shampoo,

Round two began, still strong, and stiff, and steady.

But…


Science Fiction

Photo by Stephen Leonardi on Unsplash

Journal Entry #XY-0361–029402–001

I have never understood the Dirt Dweller Idiom of “Taking a Shit.” Why on this Dirt Ball, would anyone want to Abscond with Bodily Evacuations? As it turns out though, most Dirt Dwellers do not Abscond with Bodily Evacuations. Just the ones that call themselves “Pet Owners.” What most really mean to say, is that they are about to act upon their need to reduce a secondary form of Nutriment from their Meat Enclosure. How hard is that to just say? Apparently, very hard for these Dirt Dwellers.

Journal Entry #XY-0361–173715–007

I have also learned from these…


“Heart Sutra” Photo by Ken Miura NOT on Unsplash

Poorly Cropped Photo of Chili Gyoza by Ken Miura NOT on Unsplash

I don’t know about you, but I just hate it when writers get to the point too quickly. I mean, why bother reading the rest of their article, if they’ve already gotten to the point in the first paragraph? Why can’t they just waffle on about their personal history and THEN get to the point?”

-You

That’s a great point. I think it’s because they have no self worth. More importantly, all they care about is disseminating useful information. Cads.

The most important thing about writing a really good Food Blog is talking at length about your latest trip to…


Or don’t. See if I care.

“Introspective White Man Looking Pensively at His Window” Photo by Ethan Sykes on Unsplash
  1. Earn $1.5 Billion while sitting on your ass doing nothing. It wasn’t easy, let me tell you. It was Grinding and Grueling at first. It takes awhile to hire people with the right kind of stuff. That, and money. I had to invest a lot up front to get proper equipment for my team too. We did a lot of Roleplaying, and Trust Falls, but finally, I was able to quit micro-managing and let my team do what we were meant to do: Getting made in the shade while sipping lemonade. If you want…

Ken Miura

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