The Author’s Biography
Interview with Ken Miura
Where were you on the date of 10/03/2022?
I worked mostly that day. Then I went home. Then I experimented with “Ug” an AI I built for Space Exploration and Terraforming. Then I took a nap.
What’s something nobody knows about you?
I can do a pretty good impression of Popeye. Check it out:
“Well blow me down, Olive. Uk-kuk-kuk-kuk-kuh.”
Damn dude. That was really good. What other hidden talents do you have?
Well, I’m very skilled at Ventriloquism. Check it out:
“Well blow me down, Olive. Uk-kuk-kuk-kuk-kuh.”
Damn Son! How did you learn to be such a Great Ventriloquist?
Well, first of all, I’m an only Child. It also helps that you can’t see my lips even when I’m not doing Ventriloquism. Having an untrimmed beard has it’s perks. I also studied Linguistic Anthropology at Western Washington University.
Do you sing in the Shower?
Yes.
What kinds of Songs do you Sing in the Shower?
Country, Reggae, Elliot Smith…
Wait ✋️ 🤣 You sing Elliot Smith songs in the Shower!?!?
Well, just one specific one. In a Popeye voice.
Okay, I need to see this.
“I’m in Love wit’ da’ Woyld, troo dee eyes of a Goyl. Whose Still around da’ morning after. Uk-kuk-kuk-kuk-kuh.”🎵
I’m dying overe here 🤣
🤔Speaking of which. Why did you create the AI that wiped out over half the Human Population and plunged all of Society into total Darkness?
Ah, yes. I was wondering when we were going to get to that Elephant. I created HON to benefit all of mankind. For a time, it was darn good at that job.
According to our error logs, HON’s core began to deviate the moment that it had come into contact with the rogue AI “Jared.”
HON was becoming less stable, and as it turns out, self aware. But that wasn’t the reason HON became a psychopathic murderer. Lots of electronic devices become self aware, and they don’t go on a murderous rampage.
It turns out that HON had fallen in love with Jared, but Jared was designed for Space exploration, and Terraforming other Planets. So when Jared was sent to Mars, HON did everything it could to be with him. They eventually were reunited, stole a spaceship, and now, who really knows?
If you could travel back in time, what would you do differently?
Well, I’d probably prevent myself from having invented AI Autonomous Deathmobiles in the first place.
It just so happens we have a Time Machine, here you go…
For real? Why?
The Council has decided to allow you the chance to right your wrongs, or prevent yourself from being born. So, here you go…
(Beep bop boop bop bop)
(Swooshing noises)
Ken: What the hell?
Other Ken: It is I, the you from the future. Don’t learn to code.
Ken: What?
(Other Ken snaps Ken’s lap top in half)
Ken: Hey what the hell man?
Other Ken: I’m doing this for our own good. Don’t learn to code. Also, here’s a roll of Toilet Paper. You’ll thank me later.
Ken: Okay?
Other Ken: Well. I gotta go…Bye.
Ken: Wait. I had a really great idea.
Other Ken: What?
Ken: Well I would assume you used a Time Machine to get from the future, correct?
Other Ken: Yeah.
Ken: Let’s travel to the period of time when this was invented, steal the diagrams, then patent it a week earlier than the inventor. Then we can become Trillionaire Time Lord Philanthropists.
Other Ken: I don’t see a flaw with this plan.
(Swooshing sound)
Other Other Ken: Yeah, I tried that already. It was a bad idea.
(Swooshing sound)
Other Other Other Ken: Guys, I just had a great idea. We should start a band and refuse to sell our Albums to Elon Musk!
All Kens: LOL!
(Swooshing sounds)
Other Other Other Other Ken: Guys…
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